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Not every relationship has to be all in or all out. Maybe it’s the mom who comments on your body every visit. The friend who only calls when they’re in crisis. The sibling you love but leave exhausted. Or the family who still won’t use your name.
You’ve probably been told there are two options: suck it up or cut them off. This menu gives you everything in between.
The De-escalation Menu breaks a relationship down into nine areas: time together, communication, emotional sharing, topics and boundaries, support and caretaking, money, holidays, shared circles, and the role the relationship plays in your life. Each area has five levels, from a small adjustment to stepping away. You pick what fits from each row. You can see your dad less and still call every week, or skip the holidays and keep the group chat. Nothing here is all-or-nothing.
Inside you’ll find:
A full-page menu with 45 concrete options across nine areas of the relationship
A five-step scale from Light touch to Step away
A simple guide for using the menu, so you start with the smallest change that brings real relief
Reflection questions to help you figure out what you actually want
Care notes for the guilt, the grief and the pushback that can come with taking space
This is for you if:
You feel drained, anxious or resentful after time with someone you love
You’re tired of setting a boundary and watching it get ignored
You’re LGBTQ+ and your family of origin doesn’t fully respect who you are
You’re leaning more on chosen family and want a kind way to shift the rest
You want distance without the drama, or without burning the bridge
The menu doesn’t tell you how close anyone should be. It gives you words, options and permission to choose for yourself. Distance can be a season, and doors can reopen when it feels good and safe to you.
Not every relationship has to be all in or all out. Maybe it’s the mom who comments on your body every visit. The friend who only calls when they’re in crisis. The sibling you love but leave exhausted. Or the family who still won’t use your name.
You’ve probably been told there are two options: suck it up or cut them off. This menu gives you everything in between.
The De-escalation Menu breaks a relationship down into nine areas: time together, communication, emotional sharing, topics and boundaries, support and caretaking, money, holidays, shared circles, and the role the relationship plays in your life. Each area has five levels, from a small adjustment to stepping away. You pick what fits from each row. You can see your dad less and still call every week, or skip the holidays and keep the group chat. Nothing here is all-or-nothing.
Inside you’ll find:
A full-page menu with 45 concrete options across nine areas of the relationship
A five-step scale from Light touch to Step away
A simple guide for using the menu, so you start with the smallest change that brings real relief
Reflection questions to help you figure out what you actually want
Care notes for the guilt, the grief and the pushback that can come with taking space
This is for you if:
You feel drained, anxious or resentful after time with someone you love
You’re tired of setting a boundary and watching it get ignored
You’re LGBTQ+ and your family of origin doesn’t fully respect who you are
You’re leaning more on chosen family and want a kind way to shift the rest
You want distance without the drama, or without burning the bridge
The menu doesn’t tell you how close anyone should be. It gives you words, options and permission to choose for yourself. Distance can be a season, and doors can reopen when it feels good and safe to you.