Journal Questions to Ask When Deciding to Open Up Your Relationship

Opening up a relationship is a significant decision that can bring new experiences, challenges, and growth opportunities. Whether you're considering polyamory, swinging, or another form of consensual non-monogamy, taking the time to reflect on your feelings, goals, and boundaries is crucial. Journaling is an excellent tool for this process, helping you gain clarity and navigate the complexities of transitioning from monogamy to a more open relationship structure.

Below are some journal questions designed to guide your thoughts and help you explore whether opening up your relationship is the right choice for you and your partner(s).

Understanding Your Motivations

1. Why am I interested in opening up our relationship?

   • Reflect on your reasons for considering non-monogamy. Are you seeking more variety, emotional connections, or something else? Understanding your motivations is key to making informed decisions.

2. What do I hope to gain from an open relationship?

   • Think about what you want to achieve or experience through non-monogamy. Are you looking for personal growth, deeper intimacy with your current partner, or simply new experiences?

3. Am I trying to address an issue in my current relationship?

   • Consider whether your desire to open the relationship stems from dissatisfaction or challenges in your current relationship. It's important to address any underlying issues before introducing new dynamics.

4. How does the idea of my partner being with someone else make me feel?

   • Explore your feelings about your partner having romantic or sexual connections with others. Are you excited, anxious, or uncertain? Understanding these emotions will help you navigate potential challenges.

Assessing Your Relationship

1. How strong is our communication?

   • Reflect on how well you and your partner communicate. Non-monogamy requires honest, open, and ongoing communication, so it’s important to assess your current ability to discuss difficult topics.

2. Do we trust each other completely?

   • Trust is the foundation of any successful relationship, and it becomes even more crucial in non-monogamy. Consider whether you and your partner have a solid foundation of trust and how you can maintain or strengthen it.

3. What are our current boundaries, and how might they change?

   • Think about the boundaries you currently have in your relationship and how they might shift in an open relationship. What new boundaries will you need to establish, and how will you enforce them?

4. How do we handle jealousy and insecurity?

   • Jealousy and insecurity can arise in any relationship but are often heightened in non-monogamy. Reflect on how you and your partner currently manage these feelings and what strategies you might need to develop.

Exploring the Practicalities

1. What type of open relationship are we considering?

   • There are many forms of non-monogamy, from polyamory to swinging to relationship anarchy. Consider which structure appeals to you and why, and discuss this with your partner to ensure you're on the same page.

2. How will we prioritize our relationship while exploring connections with others?

   • Reflect on how you plan to maintain the connection and intimacy with your current partner while engaging with others. What practices or rituals can you put in place to keep your relationship strong?

3. What time and emotional energy are we willing to invest in other relationships?

   • Non-monogamy often requires a significant investment of time and emotional energy. Consider how much you’re willing and able to give, and discuss this with your partner to ensure alignment.

4. What are our sexual health practices, and how might they change?

   • Sexual health is a crucial consideration in non-monogamy. Reflect on your current practices, such as STI testing and condom use, and discuss how you will adapt these practices to ensure the safety and well-being of all involved.

Considering the Future

1. How will we handle the potential challenges and conflicts that arise?

   • Opening up a relationship can bring unexpected challenges. Reflect on how you and your partner currently handle conflicts and consider how you might address potential issues that arise in a non-monogamous context.

2. How will we support each other through this transition?

   • Consider the ways you and your partner can support each other as you navigate this new territory. What actions or behaviors will help you both feel secure, loved, and valued?

3. What will success look like for us in an open relationship?

   • Define what a successful open relationship means to you. Is it about maintaining a strong bond with your partner, experiencing personal growth, or something else? Having a clear vision can guide your journey.

4. What are our exit strategies if things don’t work out?

   • It’s important to consider what will happen if non-monogamy doesn’t work for you or your partner. Reflect on how you will address this and whether you have a plan to return to monogamy or another arrangement.

Deciding to open up your relationship is a deeply personal journey that requires thoughtful consideration, honest communication, and mutual respect. By using these journal questions to reflect on your feelings, motivations, and expectations, you can gain greater clarity and ensure that you and your partner are prepared for the challenges and joys that non-monogamy may bring.

Remember that this process is not about finding the "right" answer but about exploring what feels authentic and fulfilling for you and your relationship. Whether you decide to pursue non-monogamy or remain monogamous, the insights you gain from journaling will help you make informed, intentional decisions that honor your needs and desires.